The Haunting Time Is Coming Near!

The Ghoullog - Mountaintop Haunt at Cranmore, North Conway, NH

There's no place like home....

And happy endings are just stories that haven't finished yet.
Yes, I'm being pessimistic. I'm not ready to share why just yet.

Well, here I am... Still. In the recliner. Pain is being managed, but the spasm in my back still hasn't let up. I just don't know what's wrong. I've tried swimming in the river, and just floating- it's really low this year, and the current isn't that strong. I was quite surprised that I feel like I was able to stretch out and feel a little better- but the knot right above my hip remains. No wonder they have people using water therapy- you're weightless in water. It's easier to move. It's not as sudden as a movement.

However, if you're stupid like me and don't bring sunblock.... Well, you get burned. Or in my case- fried to a crisp. Blistered up on my shoulders pretty good- I hope I don't peel too bad. I've been able to get to the river three times this past week- and I'm hoping the rain we had this morning will bring up the water level a bit. Typically (and I'm obviously not taking part of it this year) we jump off the bridge into the water- but it barely hits 6ft on one side, and the other is maybe 7 1/2 feet deep. Much too shallow for safe jumping... Not to mention we're not supposed to do it... And there's a fine if you get caught. But there they are- the dumb boys, teenagers, showing off and doing backflips off the bridge. It's a decent sized fall. I have no problem doing it typically- but there's no way I'm walking all the way up to the bridge, climbing over the railing, then jumping. And I can't balance for crap, so I wouldn't be able to jump from the railing like I've done before. Meh. It's fine by me. I'm all about the leisurely float down the river when I hold my breath- and I don't really need to kick hard or use my legs... So my arms are getting a workout. Well, a little one.

The updates recently are not much, unfortunately.

I'm still in pain, but at least now it's being managed to where I'm comfortable. I've still got the spasm, which has not let go at all. The nerve blocks I had 2 months ago have already worn off, and the sciatica pain is starting up again. I'm still randomly falling, though the last few times I was near a chair or was able to catch myself on the counters here at home. I still don't have any warning when it's going to go, so it's a matter of guessing what the probability of me falling on a given day will be. I've lost my cane- it's been misplaced somewhere. And I really don't want to use my walker. UGH. I hate that I even have one. I shouldn't need one. I'm not ranting about that now, I could take up way too much time.

I was supposed to have an MRI this past Monday on my head, to determine if any of this is something neurological going on in my head- but because of my braces they couldn't get a clear picture of the area they needed the pictures most. The metal interfered with the machine, and "ghosted" out where the image of my brain stem would have started they said. So- the most important part of what they needed to see to determine if there's something wrong inside my skull- they can't see. The closest place I'd be able to have any of this done would be Boston, because the machines there have the capability to accurately "guess-timate" what's in there and produce a workable picture of it. My concern is that I've been through quite a bit of radiation exposure already. I don't want to do any more unless it's absolutely necessary. I see the neurologist again this coming Monday afternoon- my fingers are crossed that he can come up with something better than "adult shingles without the rash". Oh, yes, that was his preliminary diagnosis the other week. I can't remember when I last saw him... July 1 I think? I don't remember. Still forgetting things, dates, pretty much everything. I don't think adult shingles would make my back spasm so severely. I don't think it would make my hands shake, or when I cross my big toe over my smaller ones on my right foot- make it start shaking worse than a Parkinson's patient. I don't think shingles would do that. Plus, my foot cramps- so to get it to stop shaking is painful too. I forgot to show him that. Remind me to.

I'm so tired at this point, I barely sleep. Or I do if I take my Valium at night. I don't like doing that, because even though I do end up sleeping through the night- I don't feel rested. I've got such dark circles under my eyes, it's ridiculous. They won't go away. I can barely cover them up with makeup, and my eyes- just look dead half the time. It's scary how the physical toll is starting to really show. I came home the weekend of April 16th. Since then, I've lost 43 lbs. It's the medications that I've been taking- I have no appetite. I have to time it in the morning so when I come down, I take my meds and eat immediately. Otherwise, I won't have anything until mid-afternoon, which is a bite or two (literally), and then I'll eat a small dinner. I'm just not hungry. I'm tired ALL the time, but don't really sleep for more than an hour during the day- unless I'm completely wiped out. Typically, it's small 15-20 minute naps that get me as I sit in my recliner. Doing nothing. Well, doing this. Blogging. Facebook. Attempting to make jewelry. I'm not sure if it's safe for me to be in the sun with the combination of medications I'm on, but I went out yesterday and laid for a little while. Made the burn on my shoulders extend to one on my arms, lower back, belly and legs. Yep. I successfully made my little burn into a big one. Wonderful. Oh yes, I've lost enough weight that I bought myself a two-piece bathing suit. I won't call it a bikini, because those barely cover anything... But this one looks good. I just need to lose a little more around my middle before I go to the river in just the suit itself. Like, only 15 lbs to do it. Don't take it as I'm going down to the river and having fun... No. It's more like water therapy. Just... Free.

I have to be careful in the water. I've had my leg go numb on me a few times already- which on dry land would mean I fall down, injuring myself again. The danger here is that I can't use my leg to swim. Luckily, my arms can do the job for me. The water in the area I stick to is quite shallow- only really getting to about 8 feet deep across the far side of the bank, and of course much shallower to the side I go to- which means I can walk, or put my feet down on the ground if I need to. I can float without a problem- take a breath. Most people don't realize that- so here's my tip for the blog: if you're ever having trouble in the water, take a big breath and hold it, and roll to your back if you can. Stop flailing your limbs- it will sink you quicker. Relax. Float.

Back to updates. Um. Well. There really isn't much more to tell. My doctor's not sure what's causing what's wrong with me- but we know it's torn ligaments/muscles. That's what's causing the spasm. The nerve blocks should have lasted at least 6 months. It was more like 6 weeks. Oh, and Dad just found my cane. Whoop de doo. We'll see what the Neurologist says on Monday afternoon. My fingers are crossed that he's going to come up with some sort of different diagnosis other than... Shingles.

On another note, and I'll get some pictures unloaded soon... I did go and sit and watch the parades for the 4th of July. Then we went to the park and I sat for the evening in a comfortable chair, watching the different acts that they put on for a show. Let me say, they ALL were amazing. I then saw the best Fireworks show up here ever.

But for now... I'm going to rest. These medications really do kick my butt. Lucky for me, it also makes me numb to another situation that has happened. In time, I'll open up about that one.


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