Sorry...

I haven't posted pictures for the past few days.

I'm still trying to get used to the medication change, and well... It's knocking me on my butt. I'm feeling exhausted, tired, underwater and out of control. The pain, at least, is numbed for the most part at this point. The spasm is still there- 12 more days and I'll have been like this for 5 months. Too long.

It's amazing what a little makeup can do though... I can "paint my face", and I look healthy. I'd take more before/after pictures- but I really don't want to scare people. The bags under my eyes are getting a deeper black/blue. They're puffier lately too which I've noticed. I need to moisturize more than I have been- I'm getting laugh lines at the corner of my eyes, and underneath. But it's alright I suppose... I'm aging. I still look young. When I get back to my good days, I'll feel young. I'll act young... Wait, I don't need to wait for that. I already do. I've figured out that applying the same primer that I use on my eyelids- to get eye shadow to stick and stay all day without smudging- is fabulous to use over these dark half moons under my eyes. The foundation sticks wonderfully. It conceals them almost completely... And I can do my makeup in such a fashion that I fool everybody. I look healthy- even though it's just a painted on mask. I'll be thankful for that at least- I can fool easily.

I've noticed that my leg almost cramps up before I fall- and anytime I feel that, I sit down. So I haven't fallen in 3 days already. That's the longest I've gone since this first started in March. I'd like it to just completely release and go- but I have a funny feeling it's just not going to be that easy. I'm also going to be looking for another doctor I believe- not my primary care, but the other one I've been "consulting" with. I've been like this for months too long. I should have had some sort of diagnosis other than "shingles without the rash". Well, I found out that 99% of people have that with at least a small rash for a short period of time when it first happens. It didn't to me. Nothing of the sort. I don't think it's that diagnosis. And now the "neurologist" I'm seeing is content to drag me on for months, increase the medication as I go, and "continue on my merry way".

I want to find the reason I feel this way. I want to find the cause. Taking more and more medicine, stronger doses as the weeks go by and I build up a tolerance for it, only masks the pain. It's not fixing it. It's like putting a band-aid over a deep puncture wound and saying "There! I fixed it!". No, that's not correcting the problem that there's a gaping hole that's bleeding like hell... That's not a fix. I don't want to continue to cover the symptoms I'm having- I want the pain gone (which, on this high dosage of Neurontin it's doing.. But leaving me foggy as hell) and not come back. I want the spasm to release, so I can walk normally. Sit without pain. Sleep without pain. It's all pain. Varying degrees, but still pain.

I've been trying to get my pictures up every day... I've been taking them, it's just a problem of when it gets to the end of the day, I'm so tired and worn out I just fall asleep. I don't do much. This bothers me. So many days, weeks, months. Lost. I can't rewind, get them back. But I will move forward- I'll find what's wrong. We'll find what's wrong. I'll be ok again- and soon. I just don't know what the key is- what's the way to get me back to normal. I don't have the answer to that question just yet- but I will soon. I hope.

The Day After.... And Shower Curtains.

So I went ahead and did it...

Acted like a Dirtbag.
In the kindest sense possible- not quite a lady, of course, from various reports.
Mehhhh... I had a little bit of a rough night, but I talked it out... Friends are great. I don't even know what triggered it.

Wait, YES I do.
That nasty Everclear.
Dave- I will NEVER drink that crap again.

Oh, you want to talk about drinking liquid chalk, and then having the cotton mouth to back it up? Well.. There ya go. That stuff is nasty. Not only did he not tell me what was in the shot glass, he todl me it was Vodka first. I hate vodka, unless it's mixed in something. So there I was protesting, and it was "Open Up, going down the hatch..."
great. just what i always wanted...

Now let me say, I don't need chasers.
I don't particularly like them.
But this Everclear stuff made me absolutely speechless. I couldn't even react to how gross it was for about 2 solid minutes. I know I just sat there, with an incredulous look on my face, trying to get my tongue unstuck from the roof of my mouth... Which, somehow, had become caked in chalk dust. Or at least felt that way.
Miraculously enough, I got it unstuck. And hence the Dirtbaggin mouth followed... Ooooh, yes. Cussing like a sailor, and trying to spit the taste out of my mouth. Much of the rest of the evening after that, I don't recall too well... Never again, though, never again. I didn't get sick. Just... More innebriated than I'd like- which I don't enjoy. I don't remember much of the night, but I don't want to do another one like that ever again.

Allow me a moment to rant here about McDonald's.
It was quarter to 3 when we stopped, on the way home. I insisted. I wanted a number 12, breakfast. Awful, I know, greasy and so delicious. Bad bad bad for the diet. But I had a hankerin, so I begged to stop.
Lo and behold, the breakfast menu was up. At 2:46 am.
They were serving dinner. Not breakfast.
My thoughts... Don't put up the breakfast menu if you're not serving it.
It's false advertising. I really wanted the steak egg and cheez on a bagel... But no, I had to settle for a double cheezburger. Yes, I had a cheezburger.

And extra pickles.



But now to the fun part of my post.
I'm moving the weekend after next, with my roomie Greg. Yep. Bigger place.
I get my own room, and most excitedly.... My own bathroom!!!!!!!!!!

So I'm hunting online for some cute things to decorate with. I've manged to come up with a few.
Take a look if you will... Vote!

I can't decide if I want a grown up looking bathroom, or a little playful punk one. Heh... It doesn't mean I can't switch out shower curtains each week, I suppose... So I may go for both...

First up in the Shower Curtain Bathroom Contest.

Pretty sparklies for $29.99.

It's purple. I'm not a big fan of purple. But it's long, it's sheer, and it's got little mirrors on the curtain. Very pretty. Reminds me of a spa... Hm... That's an idea... A lavender and sage bathroom... I'll think about it...

But this way, I can decorate with purple, greens, dark woods etc. I don't know if in the new place we have windows in the bathrooms... Most likely not. But it's nice to hope. If not, I'm definitely pulling out my candle stash and decorating profusely with those. Maybe even find my oil burner, and put in the Sweet Bay Rose oil I have... Talk about relaxing! I'd live in my bathroom.... Nevermind my bedroom! I can see it now... Relaxing in a nice bubble bath, a candle or two going... Some music in the background... Yes! Heaven!

Next up, as you all know... I love anything with wings.

Dragonflies, Butterflies, Fairys.

Whimsical and Dreamy for $14.99.

Blue and Green and White shiny things with wings on this one. Love it! Any colors in the bathroom with this one, I suppose... And I like it.

The rest of the bathroom decor will have to be a bit... Subdued. Plain, simple. And I'm ok with that. Since I'm planning to get an over the toilet storage cabinet- wood would work well with this one as well, as long as it's dark. Not going to be black, because it's too harsh... And too tricky to keep perfectly clean all the time. Either a dark cherry, mahogony or black-brown cabinet will do. I like rich colors- and I think they'll blend nicely with what I'm trying to do. But... The end result will remain to be seen.

And the final is most definitely my "Gotta Have Some Fun" design.

Skullz and Starz..... And I'll add rhinestones!

Yes, this is my guilty pleasure for $29.99.

I love skulls, I love stars, I love anything that glitters. The bathroom has a resident Skull Decoration- which is now packed away until we move in less than 14 days. But he will arise once again to adorn my bathroom door.

The tricky part to this bright PINK confection, is towels and accessories. I suppose I could go with white, or pink... But.... Mehhhh. I'm not crazy about the color pink in my bathroom.

But this is totally cool for a punked out girlie bathroom. And I'm trying to curb this intense desire right now to purchase this immediately. Why?

Because I'd totally get some black lace trim, hang it from the top. Get some metal star curtain hangers, and some rhinestones to apply with my favorite fabric glue. And VOILA! A totally rockin skulls and stars, sparklies and dark lace confection for my bathroom.

My need now is to have someone advise me which of the three is most me.

And give me a reason, if you don't like the skully pink, WHY NOT!