Day 14 - My Little Butterfly

Day 14 - My Little Butterfly, originally uploaded by The Snarky Princess.

I'm a nitpicker.

Sometimes.

I'm not usually so much when 'm medicated... But for the wedding, I needed to look nice.

I did my nails. Now, normally it's a one color deal- swipe on and I'm done.

But this time, I wanted something a little more special.

So I gave myself a french manicure. Wooo-hooo.

Not bad, if I do say so myself.

And to make me happy, to remind me to smile,

I perched a little butterfly on my ring finger. Along with a crystal.

So that each time I looked at them, I'd smile. My right hand has a butterfly too- no crystal.

Honestly, I knew my camera would capture the detail I wanted.... But to actually see the glitter transfer outline of my little flutterby- that's kind of cool.

Day 13 - Oh Moi

Day 13 - Oh Moi, originally uploaded by The Snarky Princess.

Another eye picture.
By popular demand, I told folks I'll take pictures of my eyes. So... Here's another one.

Today was rough. Been very sore lately, and it's definitely going to rain. Built in barometer.

This was just what I needed.
Bright.
Bold.
Playful.
Shocking.

So I did it with a multitude of colors.
Reflection of the mood I did not have today. But it helped.
Blues, purples, emerald. Just plain pretty.
Now... I'm going to bed.

Day 12 - Nap

Day 12 - Nap, originally uploaded by The Snarky Princess.

It's been a long day.
This was supposed to be posted yesterday-I got a little tired... So I did what I've been doing lately really well... I slept.

I feel like I'm losing so much time by sleeping. Sleep away.
The minutes.
Hours. Days.
Past 4 months.
I feel like I'm missing out on my life- and essentially I am.

But this will not last forever.
I just need to be ok. And soon, I will be.

Day 11 - Not Working

Day 11 - Not Working, originally uploaded by The Snarky Princess.

When people assume we like missing work, or can't come in- and it's like a mini-vacation.... This really pisses me off.

It's not the reason we're not at work.
Most times, the medications (as in my case) makes me so muddled and foggy that you CANNOT function to do your job properly. I can't.
It's not like we're out playing, running around, going places because we're out of work.

Most times it's days spent in a bed.
Or laying and sleeping on a couch, or recliner as I do.
It's consisting of forgetting important things. Or having a conversation and repeating what you said minutes ago- but not realizing it. This really aggravates people and doctors. Everyone.

It's missing out on camping trips, road trips, and get togethers- because we're sick. No drinking- out of the question.

It's maybe taking a ride, having someone drive you so you can get out for more than 5 minutes. Change the scenery. Get an ice cream cone. A coffee. Something small and insignificant that people take for granted in their daily lives when they feel great.

It's having the medicines turn you inside out so that you've become a hermit. Don't want the friends around, but miss them. Afraid they'll see you in this weakened state- and run. Forget you. Not be your friend anymore.

For some it's a dealbreaker in a relationship. For others, it brings them closer.

This is not a vacation we're taking.
It's legitimate time taken to get better, heal, to find a cure. Relief. That word is so elusive to so many of us.

So before you open your mouth and say something stupid like this... Just remember that maybe one day you'll need to miss work for a while.

You'll learn to hate the 4 walls you're confined to.
You'll start to crumble, slowly forgetting who you were.
Why? The pain overwhelms. Changes you. It's done so to me.
The meds- they muddle your thoughts, change as you do. Forgetful.
You'll push away some of your friends.
The true ones will say "I don't care- I'm still coming to check on you."
Others won't be able to handle the fact that you'll need help often- and won't be there for you. They'll step outside the circle.
Can't handle it.

Don't be an idiot and assume we're having "fun time off".

It's anything BUT fun.

Day 10 - "You're just having a bad day..." So... Lollipop

Day 10 - "You're just having a bad day..." So... Lollipop, originally uploaded by The Snarky Princess.

Another photo speaks.

The kink in my back has turned into a large knot, and it's spread from my right hip, through the spasm, and right up to my shoulder blade. Yes, it's painful.

But... On a positive note, I have one hell of a twisted, colorful and sugary treat.

Go on and have a laugh. I look funny in this one!

I'm savoring it- little bits at a time. I don't want to eat it in one sitting. That lollypop tastes like lemons. And yes, I spelled it wrong- and I can do it because I want to.

Lemons, and sugar bits- it distracted me for a while. And I didn't think about the knot in my back.

Day 9 - Tired

Day 9 - Tired, originally uploaded by The Snarky Princess.

I know I missed the photo yesterday.
Apologies.

I fell, and landed on hard packed sand outside. I was reaching for my sister- but she was too far away. Right there, though. If my arms weren't so short...

The photo itself. It speaks. Read.
Hopefully, understand. Or sympathize. Don't think that going through something like this is easy- it's not.

It's quite draining. Difficult.
But the sun comes up each morning- and I hear the birds. And it makes me SO happy to hear them. To feel the warm sun upon my skin. Before I move, before pain- I have lucid moments I can just enjoy.

Live.
It's the only life you've got- make the most of it you can.

Day 8 - Before & After

Day 8 - Before & After, originally uploaded by The Snarky Princess.

A friend of mine gave me a picture today which has inspired me.

It starts off with:
"WARNING!!!
Things NOT to say to someone with a disabling chronic condition."

It hit home.
15 reasons it gives.

This is the first.

"But you don't look sick".

Ok, let me tell you something.
Look up. Yes, that's me. Before, and After.
The first picture was taken this morning, BEFORE my meds kicked in. So I was in considerable pain, and I didn't care that I took a snapshot that shows my face breaking out, redness, the awful bags under my eyes and my seemingly endless pout I have. Not intentional.

Don't tell me I don't look sick.
I don't sleep well.
Toss and turn.
The meds help me manage the pain, not the spasm- yet.

But here we go... This afternoon, when I finally found the energy to do... The right photo.

Makeup.
A swipe of mineral foundation here, some concealer there... Blend it in, ok skin's an even tone. Add some more concealer to under eyes- try to blend the awful blue and black half moons that seem permanently camped out there. Fail. Well, not totally.... You can't see them AS bad.

Swipe some color onto my lids.
In an attempt to make myself feel better, I try different combinations. This happened to be Mandarin and Cranberry, and a pretty white shimmer on my brow bone. Color in my brows, I almost forgot... Then grab the black eyeliner.

Go over it with Fig to tone down the black... Mascara, and another sweep of the brush to put more foundation on my skin. Evens it out even more- great stuff.
A healthy swipe of bronzer (what a lifesaver...) mascara, and lip gloss.

There you have it.
I don't look sick anymore.
I don't look rundown.
I don't look tired.
Exhausted.
In chronic pain.
In any pain.
The color distracts and draws attention to my eyes.
They, however, still reveal my story.

Don't tell me I don't look sick.
The consequences... Will be creative.