And hopefully, most can come along Monday when I see the specialist I've been referred to. The appointment was supposed to be in three weeks, but they had a cancellation. So you bet I said yes I'll come in on Monday.
I'm going to try and not sound so down and depressing when I write- but I can't lie to you and tell you it's not easy. It isn't. The medications I've been put on make it hard to concentrate on anything, and as far as motivation- well you can say that's kind of not a word in my recent vocabulary. I'm drowsy, lethargic, and yes... Lazy. But I'm doing what my doctor told me- and that's to stay as quiet as possible. I do have to get up and move so that I don't totally atrophy or anything, which would be bad... But basically, my days are the same in and out. I'm trying not to be so... Sad. It's difficult. I can't even make myself a decent meal because I can't stand on my feet for that long... But microwaveable, that's doable. Ready to eat- even better. Have it served to me? Heaven.... And preferred, ha hahaha.
Aside from the leather recliner that I've been parked in, or my awesome memory foam bed, I've picked out a comfy recliner chair from our backyard for dusk. One of those unfolding doohickeys, I was surprised to actually be comfortable in it. What a wonder. I take a walk out back, one of family lights the fire pit, and I soak my clothes with bug spray and sit back.
It gets me fresh air. It gets me a little mobile, around a bit- other than going to the grocery store to get prescriptions.... Or to try and stay comfortable during a car ride to an appointment. I've had at least a dozen already, and I've been back here for 10 weeks. About once a week I've seen my doctor. Speed bumps kind of hurt. Potholes are worse. I sit and stare at my little fire. The sounds of the night- crickets sometimes, just as dusk... The pesky hum of the skeeters... The wind through the leaves of the trees we have. Pine cones tossed in as kindling, and hearing the snapping of the pitch as the fire burns it. The smell of the burning pine, wood, it smells so good. Then tipping my head back, as dusk fades into darkness and the sky lights up with stars. Like little white fairy lights poked through black velvet. It's nearly a full moon, and it lights up the woods with a silver gleam. It's pretty. It's these little things I never noticed before when sitting around the fire with my family. I know it's the medications that make me notice- and it's that which also makes me forget.
Tonight will be another fire night... So I'll wait until dusk, my sister and I will have dinner... Then go out and sit in front of the fire together. It doesn't matter if we joke, it doesn't matter if anything at all is said... Life is to spend time with those you love. And it doesn't matter if you have lots to talk about, or nothing at all. What matters is that you spend time together.
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