Sorry...

I haven't posted pictures for the past few days.

I'm still trying to get used to the medication change, and well... It's knocking me on my butt. I'm feeling exhausted, tired, underwater and out of control. The pain, at least, is numbed for the most part at this point. The spasm is still there- 12 more days and I'll have been like this for 5 months. Too long.

It's amazing what a little makeup can do though... I can "paint my face", and I look healthy. I'd take more before/after pictures- but I really don't want to scare people. The bags under my eyes are getting a deeper black/blue. They're puffier lately too which I've noticed. I need to moisturize more than I have been- I'm getting laugh lines at the corner of my eyes, and underneath. But it's alright I suppose... I'm aging. I still look young. When I get back to my good days, I'll feel young. I'll act young... Wait, I don't need to wait for that. I already do. I've figured out that applying the same primer that I use on my eyelids- to get eye shadow to stick and stay all day without smudging- is fabulous to use over these dark half moons under my eyes. The foundation sticks wonderfully. It conceals them almost completely... And I can do my makeup in such a fashion that I fool everybody. I look healthy- even though it's just a painted on mask. I'll be thankful for that at least- I can fool easily.

I've noticed that my leg almost cramps up before I fall- and anytime I feel that, I sit down. So I haven't fallen in 3 days already. That's the longest I've gone since this first started in March. I'd like it to just completely release and go- but I have a funny feeling it's just not going to be that easy. I'm also going to be looking for another doctor I believe- not my primary care, but the other one I've been "consulting" with. I've been like this for months too long. I should have had some sort of diagnosis other than "shingles without the rash". Well, I found out that 99% of people have that with at least a small rash for a short period of time when it first happens. It didn't to me. Nothing of the sort. I don't think it's that diagnosis. And now the "neurologist" I'm seeing is content to drag me on for months, increase the medication as I go, and "continue on my merry way".

I want to find the reason I feel this way. I want to find the cause. Taking more and more medicine, stronger doses as the weeks go by and I build up a tolerance for it, only masks the pain. It's not fixing it. It's like putting a band-aid over a deep puncture wound and saying "There! I fixed it!". No, that's not correcting the problem that there's a gaping hole that's bleeding like hell... That's not a fix. I don't want to continue to cover the symptoms I'm having- I want the pain gone (which, on this high dosage of Neurontin it's doing.. But leaving me foggy as hell) and not come back. I want the spasm to release, so I can walk normally. Sit without pain. Sleep without pain. It's all pain. Varying degrees, but still pain.

I've been trying to get my pictures up every day... I've been taking them, it's just a problem of when it gets to the end of the day, I'm so tired and worn out I just fall asleep. I don't do much. This bothers me. So many days, weeks, months. Lost. I can't rewind, get them back. But I will move forward- I'll find what's wrong. We'll find what's wrong. I'll be ok again- and soon. I just don't know what the key is- what's the way to get me back to normal. I don't have the answer to that question just yet- but I will soon. I hope.

Occoquan, VA

Out and about wandering... There are days I'm restless, and I just want to go to a familiar place and walk. So... That's exactly what I did yesterday.

I thought I'd share a little photo-collage with everyone..... Considering this is one of my favorite places to escape to down here in my "adoptive" home of Virginia. Yes, yes, yes... I'm a New England girl through and through- and I have to admit, 70 degree days in Virginia is NOT normal.

Not for me at least.

But, I've been quite sick lately, and just had a string of bad luck from end of August until now.

I needed to just get out and bumble, as I like to call it.

You'll see in the collage, there's a few photos of "Gingerbread" houses. I call them by the name since they all are different, yet the same... The colors are whimsical, the brickwork amazing, the entire look... Enchanting. These ones, however, you cannot eat!

Sitting atop the banks of the Occoquan river, once Gaslight Landing is complete there will be four units with houses available in each. These homes are absolutely gorgeous. The front units face Main Street in Occoquan- so parking is available right in front of them. Of course, the homeowners have their own garages under their houses- but that's private parking! The back units sit right on the banks of the Occoquan River, and the wharves are right there as well. Overlooking the water- I can't think of a more perfect place to be. Someone wanna lend me a million so I can get one? hahaha... Big dreams, for a little person... But we'll see.

Continuing on through the town, there are so many shops it'll make your head spin! There are a few really nice antique shops- set up and ready for Christmas already... What happened to Thanksgiving?! It's ok- the setup is so whimsical I can't help but walk by and admire. There are jewelry shops, and one such is comprised of local artists. I haven't yet brought in any of my things- I'm watching how much sells there, and who it is before I "take the plunge".

There's a lovely little Christmas Ornament shop, with lights and miniature town set-ups, stained glass boutique, acupuncture therapy, spa treatments, general stores... And one of the best Apple Pie's I've had since I've been down here which is incorporated right in to the General Store. They're located at the top of the hill when you drive in! Clothing stores- some consignments, some bridal and special occasion, and many specialty stores for women to find the perfect accessory to any outfit. A little Irish store packed with traditional and authentic items from Ireland, painting pottery, a bookstore you can quickly become engrossed within, and plenty of little café style eateries that you can stop in for a bite once walking the circuit around town.

There's a wine tasting shop, and a girlie sparkly one with all sorts of cutsey and fun things to pick up for that quirky girl you know! The gelato one is my absolute favorite in the summer... Grab one of those to go, and walk around the streets! My local bead shop is here too- the woman remembers me every time I come in, because my roommate will sit outside in the rocking chair and wait for me... Rather than poke his nose into a shop where all the ladies are "ooohh-ing" and "ahhhh-ing" to all the beads! Typically, I do order online... But I get some great finds in there too!

My favorite place to admire, even though I've never been into it, is Rockledge Mansion.

It's a big, old, stone mansion that was built a very long time ago at the end of the walkway through town. You can't go any further, since the water reservoir is up there, and it's fenced off. But once you walk up and see this building- it's hard to keep curiosity for what's over the hill, instead of the hulking stone structure you gaze at now.

The mansion itself is nestled right into the hill, an what I wouldn't give to get in there!
Occasionally, you'll see a car or two up there... But as far as I can tell it's unoccupied by residents. I did find, however, that the mansion and hall are for rent for events... Yay! The pricing isn't bad... But I'd need to find a way to host something worthwhile in order to do so... I think a masquerade ball would be so much fun!

Occoquan was once a bustling little town- and I was amazed at reading some of the history when I first moved down here. There are quite a few haunts, since most of the buildings are original, and their past owners and caretakers are still doing just that... Watching over their shops.

So this was my little outing... Perhaps if you're looking for an interesting place to go, this will strike your interest!