Day 42 - Candy Corn Eyes

Day 42 - Candy Corn Eyes, originally uploaded by The Snarky Princess.

I was absolutely, unequivocally, without a doubt self loathing and miserable today. Right back to the red lipstick, AGAIN, to bring my mood up.

It's like a swipe of the color fixes a lot of things. It then inspired me to finish my face- and I came up with a new eye look inspired by fall. Candy Corn inspired eyes. The heavy black shadow really makes the colors pop- for an unusual look. Harsh, bright colors brought my mood up instantly.

My father didn't like it.

I just smiled.

Days 30-36 Since I didn't publish them.

Day 30 - Hello Sunshine

Not really in the mood... And I've been severely lacking in the motivation department of life.

At least I have vibrant red hair.

Day 31 - Meet My Cane

Yes, that's right.
I know walk with a stupid, colorful cane. I have to. Otherwise, if my leg gives out- I fall down... And quite frankly, it HURTS.


In order to avoid falling, I stay off my feet most of the time. When I do have to be up, and I'm not just walking to the kitchen or bathroom... I have this tagalong with me.


It never ceases to amaze me how complete strangers have no shame about approaching me, say in the market when I have to fill my prescriptions, and they ask what's wrong with my leg. I explain it's my back. What the HELL?!? Don't people know it's RUDE TO ASK???


Obviously, if I'm walking with a cane- I need assistance because something is wrong. Unless you know me, don't freaking approach me. I'll beat you with it. And then fall down.

Day 32 - Life's a Beach

I had my toes in the sand, even if only for a short time.


My pants are too big- a product of the medications making me lose my appetite. Goodbye weight. I know it's not the right way to diet, but what the hell. It's gone, right?? That's what counts. My old clothes fit... Time to have a yard sale. Or eBay sale. Or something.


I do attest, there's nothing better than sitting at the ocean... But this was at a lake up the street. Warm sand under toes is the best feeling in the world- as long as it's warm, not scalding hot. A nice breeze is always welcome.

Day 33 - Stormy Day

I felt like crap today. At least I have the talent to be able to paint on a healthy face.


The bags under my eyes are peeking through- despite the layers of concealer I had used. Some days- I just can't win.


Spasm stays in my back. I get more of a kink. Pain down my leg. Medication- wish it worked better. But at least I don't feel quite so foggy, underwater, frigged up. It's just not... AS good as it's been today. In my truck, being driven around... Have to stop by and pick something up at the store... I can't have them seeing me as a zombie now, can I?


I don't look as bad as I hurt here. It was a nice and sunny day- fall is on the way. I can smell it in the air already.

Day 34 - See Me

Another day, I made it through.
The brushes I have, I'm thankful.
Colors to play with- I'm thankful.
Arrays of looks... But I wonder.


Do you really see me?
Do you see what I hide?
Where I keep things hidden?
They say the eyes are the gateways to the soul... And so much can be expressed through them.
Do you see it?
Can you?
Is anything really there...


My question is... Do I hide it well enough?

Day 35 - Frustration is Catching Up

Quickly.


I'm tired of chasing things to get them done. I'm exhausted, but I hardly sleep. I think it's the new medication. More of my clothes have to be sorted, and donated because they're much too big for me now.


This is one of the days I wish I could go back to being a kid... With half days at school.
Recess means playtime, playground.
There's snack time with apple juice and animal crackers.
Then my favorite- nap time.


Why do we have to grow up?! I wouldn't mind being a kid again... And I fought my parents so damn hard to let me grow up....


Now I realize, I should have just enjoyed being young while I had it. It's kind of frustrating having bills, obligations, responsibilities. And it sucks even worse that I'm medically unable to work.


With any luck- it won't be much longer until I'm fixed. *crosses fingers*

Day 36 - Dreaming of Fiji

And a hot tropical beach.
A frozen alcoholic drink in one hand, and the other being held by a knockout sexy guy.


I love how blue my eye is in this picture.
It reminds me of ocean waters I'd love to be frolicking in right now...

Day 29 - Autum Eyes

Day 29 - Autum Eyes, originally uploaded by The Snarky Princess.

There was a hint of a chill in the air today.
It started off rainy, morose... Fit my mood perfectly. And of course, with the changing pressure- my back was quite problematic and hurt quite intensely.

I love painting with my colors. I love taking my brushes and painting pigments onto my eyes. Depending on the colors, my eyes change colors.
Sometimes a clear blue. Sometimes a beautiful navy. Marbled, and very close to my pupil- a hint of violet.

The colors bring me out.
They allow me a chance to be the type of artist I am. A pen in hand will wield some funny looking stick figures. A paint brush in hand better be for abstract watercolors. A makeup brush... Well... Now we're talking.

I can almost smell the cider donuts.
Corn husks with their crinkles, and grassy sweet-corn smell.
Red, beautiful apples in the crates.
Ice cold and crisp apple cider.
Pumpkin, apple pies.
The smell the air has when Autumn is coming tumbling through the door.
It's coming quickly... And it's my favorite time of the year.

Day 28 - Carnival Eyes

Day 28 - Carnival Eyes, originally uploaded by The Snarky Princess.

I needed bright. Bold. Electric colors today.


For some reason, I've been bitten by the bright color bug. Not clothing wise, of course... Just eyes. Anything that will set them off, deepen or lighten the blue. Intense.


I'm so glad I can paint on makeup and look healthy for pictures at least. The bags under my eyes continue to stay a dark bluish-purple, and no matter how much or little I sleep- they remain. Concealer is a wonderful thing.


And don't say anything about my leopard print background.
It's a blanket. And I love it.

Day 26 - Angsty

Day 26 - Angsty, originally uploaded by The Snarky Princess.

Makeup again.
Today was almost more rain... The warm front lingered, the cold front came through. Unfortunately, there were no storms. It upset me- considering when it's like this- I'm very uncomfortable. Trying to be positive- but in this kind of weather, with this kind of pain... It's difficult.

So I stayed quiet most of the day. Medicated and in a haze, just like what lingered outside. Finally decided to do a makeup tutorial with the look above. Ladies loved it, and I told them I'd make one. I did it. Finally.

I have to say- I'm glad I came up with this combination. I like the dark, the red... It fits with my moods. A little too perfectly.

Angsty. Dark. Sullen. Morose. Disappointed. Angry. Depressed. Hopeful. Doubtful. Frustrated. Angry. Skittery. Itching to get out. Mad that I can't work.
Pissed off because I had a promise from someone, and they didn't follow through.

Everyone wonders why I'm so cynical and blunt.

Well....

How else would you have me?
No other way.
Because THIS is who I am.

Day 23 - Wishful

Day 23 - Wishful, originally uploaded by The Snarky Princess.

I was hurting pretty bad today. There's more rain on the way.
I needed makeup that would pick me up... And it mostly worked. So out came the brushes, and blend blend blend I did.
Colors I didn't think would work, but did. My eyes were so blue today- it happens when I'm smartin' good. They got to a nearly pale blue sky color by the end of the day.

My eyes.
Are.
Amazing.
Look close.. You'll see violet rings my iris. And no, no contacts in my eyes lately. I've been too lazy to try and maintain them. (sighs)

Day 22 - Silver Eyes

Day 22 - Silver Eyes, originally uploaded by The Snarky Princess.

Alice Through the Looking Glass.

You love.
You lose.
It sucks when it's because an outside force is controlling things, and seemingly unstoppable. I won't be steamrolled.
I will not be ordered about.
I haven't given up yet.
Just stepped back for a while.
In an effort to see if what I believe to be truth will show itself.
Because what I see, I don't believe is real in the terms it was stated.

And if it is... Then I tried my hardest.
I gave my best.
Everything.
I even came back.

At that point.... To hell with it all.

If otherwise... Proven, and really worked for... I shall dance. I shall smile. I shall be who I am, and give all I have forever.

Time...
Tick, tock, tick, tock....
I'm not sure I'll wait though.
I've done enough of that so far.

Day 20 - Behind Blue Eyes

Day 20 - Behind Blue Eyes, originally uploaded by The Snarky Princess.

No one knows.
The secrets I hide, the things I don't say but should. It's so easy to paint on a mask- play a part.

Eyes truly are the windows to the soul.
They don't always tell stories truthfully though.
Behind mine, you won't see unless I show you.
You won't be let in unless invited.
You won't know anything until I choose to let you beyond my walls.
But I can't.
I won't.
I refuse.
So here I stay, behind blue eyes. My eyes. A safe little place no-one can hurt me anymore.

Day 19 - Eyelashes

Day 19 - Eyelashes, originally uploaded by The Snarky Princess.

The look today was mauve tones on my eyes.
I put on one of my favorite skirts in the world- a paisley patterned, lightweight wrap skirt. It blows in the wind and I feel like a country girl... But I guess if this is where I am, this is where I am. I can look the part some days.

Today was slow... I'm very sore, and I'm very irritable.
I had a very nice evening with my Mom- we don't really go out often, because typically I can't, but we went to see a play tonight. Sappy stuff, but whatever- there were some funny moments.

This picture was taken on the way there.
Mauve tones. I think I like it a lot.

Day 17 - Red Head

Day 17 - Red Head, originally uploaded by The Snarky Princess.

I went outside today.
It was very nice, sunny, warm, breezy.
Not too hot, not too chilly.
Just right. A perfect summer day.

Tonight was spent in front of the fire pit.
I love the fire.
The smell, the sparks.
I need to have more good days.
I'm all made up because I was trying to re-create a makeup look... I think I did alright.

Day 16 - Brushes

Day 16 - Brushes, originally uploaded by The Snarky Princess.

When I get down, I go to my makeup for consolation.
Why? I've been hermity. I don't really want to leave the house, see my friends, hang out... Blah blah blah. I've become increasingly comforted by staying home. This isn't me. It won't be me forever. But it is for the time being.
I take short rides, just to get out of the house. But increased meds now make me even more sluggish. I'm not liking it very much- the sensation is extreme exhaustion coupled with feeling like I'm underwater.

Loud sounds bother me.
Loud volume, I'm so sensitive to.
I'm so tired I can't sleep.

But... One of these brushes is small.
Once dipped in powder, it covers the black and blue moons under my eyes.
I get swipes of color with a large brush.
Shocks of bright color with another.
Touch up, yet another.
My brushes create magic.
My eyes.
Eye shadows in all different colors.
I create beautiful looks. At least, friends tell me it's beautiful.
They console me, because each time I touch a brush- I'm creating art on my eyes. Sometimes my sister. Soon, friends.

The brush takes away a little of the pain.
I can paint outrageous colors and designs on my eyes.
And it brings me a little happiness.
A lot of color. A shock of it.
It's created by my hands.
Somewhere... Over the rainbow...

Day 13 - Oh Moi

Day 13 - Oh Moi, originally uploaded by The Snarky Princess.

Another eye picture.
By popular demand, I told folks I'll take pictures of my eyes. So... Here's another one.

Today was rough. Been very sore lately, and it's definitely going to rain. Built in barometer.

This was just what I needed.
Bright.
Bold.
Playful.
Shocking.

So I did it with a multitude of colors.
Reflection of the mood I did not have today. But it helped.
Blues, purples, emerald. Just plain pretty.
Now... I'm going to bed.

Day 5 - Violet Femme Eyes

Day 5 - Violet Femme Eyes, originally uploaded by The Snarky Princess.

The eyes are the windows to the soul.
Mine are blank, unfocused, empty. Pretty. But nevertheless, expressionless most days.
It's the medication.

This is how I play.
I create.
Makes me feel better.

Today I wanted violet eyes. I got them.
Pinks and purples tones on my eyelids, and my faithful black eyeliner. Can't go wrong.

Last night I broke our stairs. It would have been better if I had happened mid-day, but these things don't work like that I guess. Went to go to bed, and boom.. There goes the stairs. Bottom 2. I thought I was going to fall through and slide down into the basement.

Thankfully, they didn't fall OFF.
But I panicked, jerked myself upright and backwards, nearly fell. Once I knew the stairs weren't going anywhere, I turned around and sat on the 4th step up.

The end result... Today has been a very painful day. Not even the increase of the medicine dosage was able to mask it. The spasm flares up. *sighs*

There's also rain on the way.
Yes, I can predict the weather.
The spasm gets knotted, the pain creeps further around where it normally centers right above my right hip, on my back. A little right of my spine. Excruciating.
No comfortable position can be found. Not for any amount of time at least.

So... In an (nearly successful) attempt at being bright and positive today... This is what I was. Violette.

Day 1- The Eyes Tell the Story

Day 1- The Eyes Tell the Story, originally uploaded by The Snarky Princess.

I came across a photo project last night from a photograph collection of an artist which has inspired me. One photo a day, for an entire year.

Oh yes, some days will be hard. And for my eye shots, I'll have to edit them before I post- but there will be creativity in all of these pictures. Some will be random shots that I'll pick up and do on a whim. Some will be staged, and viewed from an artistic eye as best I can. This is where a tripod comes in handy. Which I have. And will utilize.

I'm sitting here thinking now, I can't wait to burn my cane. The one I walk with. There's so much numbness going on in my head right now from all the medications- I need to focus on what I can make better. I need to be creative. This, I think, is the perfect outlet to do such.

So to you, I give me. Photographs. Once a day. For a year. Perhaps longer, if I find the time to keep it up. I think this is a positive focus to drag me out of the depression and sad view I've struggled with through this back problem of mine, in addition to someone very dear just "giving me up" like that. So easy. I wish hearts weren't so vulnerable to breaking... But I am, broken, into so many pieces I can't pick them all up. I'm not picking any of them up. I shall stay as I am for now. I will heal. Maybe, just maybe.... I'll be able to smile in one of them someday.