The Haunting Time Is Coming Near!

The Ghoullog - Mountaintop Haunt at Cranmore, North Conway, NH

Still not many answers

As far as diagnosing my back.
Don't get me wrong- my doctor up here is
awesome and has helped a lot lately- considering the lack of "help" I received down in VA. It's just frustrating spending day in and day out pretty much between my bed and a recliner- occasionally getting up to take a car ride to an appointment, pick up meds, or just to get out of the house and move around a little bit. It sucks. I hate being limited like this.

This time frame? Three weeks so far of just this staying quiet. The spasm started back in the beginning of March- so in actuality, it's been months.
Three weeks of trying medications, some of which work, others which help a little, and others that should have helped that haven't really done much good. That one baffled my Doctor. The good news is that I will heal- this isn't a permanent injury. But what it will need is time, and careful attention.
As far a what caused this: a traumatic injury.
Right off the bat I named it off- March 24, 2007, car accident. Then later that year, right after Christmas, falling down the stairs at home and bouncing down on the same part of my back. I'd call that trauma, right? Doctor agreed. Since then, spasms from time to time, but always manageable. And they always went away after a while.

Most of you know... I have my lazy days, of course.... But I'm a go-getter. I like having things done. Prepared, worked out, in order, organized, done. Perpetually in motion. Now- I'm literally at a standstill and can't do much of anything. It's enough to drive anyone mad. Like I say though- it could
always be worse. The funny thing is- had the doctors I'd had down in VA listened to me, and given me the medication I had asked for to help- this never would have pushed itself to the severity it has right now. I could have been on the pain relievers, muscle relaxants, taken a week easy- and bam... Been better. I guess there's just too many people going in to offices, faking injuries, and abusing the medications when prescribed. Which sucks for me- considering the people that do legitimately need the medications can't get them.

As a quick run-down- because I for the life of me can't remember who I've now told or haven't, and my heads all foggy and befuddled- the quick version of the diagnosis so far.

I have some pretty good sized bone spurs on my vertebrae discs, which means there's calcification build up and they're sharp. This is abnormal- since when an injury happens, your body is supposed to deposit cartilage to to the spot that's injured- not calcium. This is typical when it comes to arthritis, especially in your back. When an injury acts up, or you hurt the area where the degeneration is- inflammation ensues- and unless you catch it early and get on anti-inflammatory meds- it'll progressively get worse. Not crippling- but pain and irritation wise, it'll become quite unbearable quickly. (That was stage one for me). These spurs eventually will need to be removed, and here's the good news- aside from my lower lumbar spine where I'm having all these problems- the rest of my back is in perfect condition! The discs in my upper back are all healthy, the bones are cube shaped normal, and alignment is normal.

Abnormal is the bottom part. So now that we've determined that I'm inflamed, this irritates the different layers of muscle that are in your back. There's more than one- and typically, when someone has a bad spasm- it's one layer at work kind of twisting you about and hurting. Well- because I didn't get the help that was needed when I first started having this problem, the deeper layers of my back muscles also became inflamed, irritated, and they too started to spasm. The problem here? They all go in different directions. Yes, that's right. I have muscles pulling this way and that in such a bad torque that it's literally twisting my vertebrae in opposite directions of where they should go.

This severe spasming that's going on, along with the inflammation of the muscles and material down there is pinching the nerve bundle that sits right along your hip. This is where most of your nerves are located in your lower body- especially the sciatica. Since this injury is presenting itself the way it is, what my Dr. thinks is happening is I'm in such a severe and locked up spasm, severely swollen and inflammed, and unable to really get it to release- this is causing the problem of me falling down. All the swelling is somehow getting to the nerves and when they get pinched, all signals are turned off. It's like blowing the fuse box- everything shuts off- and down I go. I know it's not my fault... And I know I shouldn't be embarrassed when falling down happens... But I am. It's like, time stops and everyone looks at me.

Today it was at the grocery store. Frozen isle section. First time I've ventured out of the house since my Dr. appt on Wednesday. Walking with the cart, leaning on it thank goodness- and step, step, step, fall... If I hadn't been holding on to the cart handle like I had been- I'd have smashed my mouth to hell. My Dad had his back turned for just a minute, and it happened... And this poor guy that watched me fall was befuddled. He was trying to help me up, asking if I was ok... All I could do was say "Yes, I'm ok, thank you." and tried to get up. It took me nearly a minute- I couldn't move. It's so embarrassing. I know it shouldn't be. Then three other people in the isle came over and asked if they could help... And I nearly started crying... I surprised me because I didn't think people cared anymore. Hah. Most of the the time they just walk by you, pretending they didn't see anything so that they wouldn't have to get involved. It was a nice surprise to see that some random strangers still give a shit about people that obviously have something wrong.

As for now... It's staying quiet. Very quiet. Most of my time is spent sleeping because of the meds, working on some jewelry projects when my hands aren't shaking so badly I can't work. I've been trying to focus on work work (since they've been kind enough to let me work from home) but with these new medications, I just can't focus. I mean... I can read... But I can't process, if that makes any sense. I can see what the problem is- I can identify it- but when I go to type it out... I lose it. Poof, gone. It's absolutely awful.

I don't like being scatterbrained. I don't like not being able to focus or concentrate. I don't like being a hermit- which is pretty much what I've been doing too. It's not that I don't want to see my friends... It's just... I want to curl up in my pj's, under my blanket, either in bed or recliner, and watch the back of my eyelids. I simply have no energy. In about 5 minutes I probably won't remember even writing this blog- how sad is that.

I do need to get my butt moving and sell some jewelry.
I was able to find some pretty glass beads, so hopefully more will be on the way. We'll see. I just don't know yet. Anyone wanna donate to "Amanda's Back Fund"? LOL.


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